Parenthood is a big deal for both the mom-to-be and
dad-to-be. It is hence important that both parties take the time to be sure it
is what they want before engaging themselves into this life-changing venture.
Many men tend to feel unready for fatherhood when they contemplate the
responsibility associated with being a dad, given that their principal role is
that of a provider. However, financial responsibility isn't the only thing you
should be thinking about or asking yourself about. We'll start with finance,
anyway.
Are your finances in order?
You should be able to provide for your child's needs, but
you mustn't necessarily wait until you are 'rich'. Having a steady source of
income before having a child is advisable. Moreover, you can keep saving after
the baby is born. You won't spend heavily in the first two or three years of
your child's life; heavy spending comes when the child starts schooling. It is
important to plan financially. If you're ready to be a father, start saving in
an emergency fund to ease. It'll be of great value when or if the child comes
and you are in financial distress.
Have you found the right person to start a
family with?
Do you want your partner to be the mother of your child? Are
you in a long-term relationship with your partner? Are you and your partner in
a committed relationship?
Are you mature enough?
Now would be the time to introspect. Do you make mature
choices in your life? Do you whine at every setback? Are you rational with your
budget? Do you take responsibility for your actions and decisions or shift the
blame to others? Do you live for the moment without thinking of tomorrow? Do
you and can you save? Do you look at the bigger picture? Maturity is a
prerequisite for successful parenthood.
Do you and your partner communicate well?
Your partner and you should be able to discuss your roles as
parents thoroughly and clearly. Discuss your expectations for each other.
Deciding on an addition to the family is a decision you should make together.
Do you and your partner have a good support
system in place?
"It takes a village to raise a child," says an
African proverb, which is true. You can't do everything by yourself, you and
your partner can't do everything by yourselves. You and your partner should
have friends and/or family that can assist you with the pregnancy and
upbringing of the child.
Am you willing to make sacrifices for your
child's sake?
As a father, your needs will come secondary to your child's
needs. You may also have to work more during the pregnancy to afford for your
baby. You won't be able to sleep well during the first six months of the
child's life, you won't get much intimate time (in the first months after your
child's birth) with your partner either as your child will be her priority.
You'll also have to spend more time with your family, hence less time for
hanging out, drinking with friends etc. So... have you stopped thinking about
what you can buy for yourself all the time?
What kind of father do you want to be?
How will your relationship with the child's mother be? Will
you correct the aspects of your parents' parenting style that you disliked or
will you replicate their parenting style? Will you be lenient or strict? Will
you value goal setting and task completion? Will you provide an
emotionally-nurturing environment for your child? Determine the type of father
you would want to be.
Remember not to beat yourself up; even the best parents
weren't totally ready when their child was born.
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